The Jokes Thread

[Roman Abramovich]

Do homeless people get knock knock jokes?

[Roman Abramovich]

Who invented camping?

henry the tenth.

[craichouse]

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

[craichouse]

Q. What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they cant eat it!

[Roman Abramovich]

i like the egg one.....

two snowmen standing in a field.
one says to the other, can you smell carrots.

[Roman Abramovich]

two eggs frying on a pan.
one turns to the other and goes "ouch"

[Forsberg]

Q. What do you give a dog with a fever?

A. Mustard

[storysham]

2 monkeys in a bath. One says to the other "ooo ooo ahhhh ahhh ahhh". The other says "welll put some cold in"

[Roman Abramovich]

2 monkeys in a bath. One says to the other "ooo ooo ahhhh ahhh ahhh". The other says "welll put some cold in"

two cows in a field. one says to the other "mooooooooooooo"
the other cow says, fuckin hell i was just about to say that.

[Roman Abramovich]

two cows in a field, one says to the other, im really worried about this mad cow disease. the other says, what the fuck are ya tellin me for, im a duck.

[storysham]

Whats green and smells of pork?






Kermit the frogs finger

[mustang]

British army land rover crashed into a tree today.The I.R.A said they planted it.

[Forsberg]

I said to my friend "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

[craichouse]

A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".
Roland the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and
my mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a
bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Katie," says the teacher
"Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our
next door
neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush, and my dad says it will
take the contagious.

[Roman Abramovich]

I said to my friend "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

heh heh heh

[pat o shea]

A little boy in class ask's his teacher if he can go to the toilet, she say's yes and off he goes. H e has a good hot piping shit and finds there is no toilet paper so he uses his hand. When he gets back to class the teacher asks him whats in his hand, a leprachuan, he replies, open your hand she demands, no he replies so she sends him to the headmaster's office. Whats in your hand boy open your hand. I have a leprachuan in my hand and if I open my hand the leprachuan will fly away. Open your hand now boy screams the headmaster, which the boys does, now look what you;ve done cries the boy, you've scared the shit out of him.

[HappyMonday83]

How many feminists doe's it take to screw in a lightbulb?


























Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one to suck my fucking dick.