Boys, explain to me...

[DaisyM]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

[The Black Knight]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

I generally don't keep in contact with my ex's. I wouldn't ignore them if I saw them either though.

[Proinsias]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?
Not my personal experience, but here's my take on it.

We're no good at dealing with emotions. Best way is to bottle it all up. Hence instead of engaging with a woman you used to be emotionally involved with, it's far, far easier to just ignore her and pretend it didn't happen.

[DaisyM]

The one I work with. It's MONTHS down the line now, and he's still being all pathetic and can barely string a sentence together in my presence, which he'd rather run over hot coals than be caught in. Yet, since the demise of our romantic liaison, there has been contact of a non-platonic nature (also now months ago) and mutual social occasions where everything has been fine. He just would rather pretend I didn't exist than even acknowledge me in the corridor.

Which I find both rude, and immature. If I suggested meeting for a coffee and a catch up, he'd think I was trying to poison him! Yet we're supposed to be mates.

[DaisyM]

Not my personal experience, but here's my take on it.

We're no good at dealing with emotions. Best way is to bottle it all up. Hence instead of engaging with a woman you used to be emotionally involved with, it's far, far easier to just ignore her and pretend it didn't happen.

You know who I'm talking about - he's just pissing me off now. Fucking stupid boychild.

[Wampire]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

It's easier to sulk.

[janglinjack]

The one I work with. It's MONTHS down the line now, and he's still being all pathetic and can barely string a sentence together in my presence, which he'd rather run over hot coals than be caught in. Yet, since the demise of our romantic liaison, there has been contact of a non-platonic nature (also now months ago) and mutual social occasions where everything has been fine. He just would rather pretend I didn't exist than even acknowledge me in the corridor.

Which I find both rude, and immature. If I suggested meeting for a coffee and a catch up, he'd think I was trying to poison him! Yet we're supposed to be mates.

A lot of people don't know how to behave around exes as they are still attracted to them to an extent and are afraid of getting sucked back in. If he used the "let's just be mates" line you may be taking it too literally.

[Hang_Sandwich]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

depends on the case - sometimes its easier to make sure nothing happens between you again. other times its cause they can't stand you

[DaisyM]

A lot of people don't know how to behave around exes as they are still attracted to them to an extent and are afraid of getting sucked back in. If he used the "let's just be mates" line you may be taking it too literally.

We have had enough socials/mate type events in the last few months...at which he's fine. Which is all the more bizarre... ignore me in the corridors, and then spend 2hrs in the pub with me at lunchtime. Oddball.

Reason he's pissed me off today is that he's walked right past my desk - which is on a different floor to his, and he has absolutely no reason to be up here that I'm aware of, and totally ignored me!

[Proinsias]

thats bollocks....it might depend on how old ya are. i'm not the most maturest person in the world but if i make an emotional attachement with someone and the relationship ends there is no way i would squander that experience by cutting then dead....

if it was a case that she was a psycho stalking bitch from hell then...i would just cut her dead if i saw her...cut her good and dead!!!!!

tucker
As I said, not necessarily the case with me personally.

And Daisy, the two of ye have a bit of a screwed up think from the start really, so yer man probably hasn't a fucking notion what to do.

[DaisyM]

As I said, not necessarily the case with me personally.

And Daisy, the two of ye have a bit of a screwed up think from the start really, so yer man probably hasn't a fucking notion what to do.

How about be normal, and treat me how he treats other people he knows here??! He's head down and scuttle. It's not like I'm running after him begging to have his babies, or ever was!!!

[Hang_Sandwich]

How about be normal, and treat me how he treats other people he knows here??! He's head down and scuttle. It's not like I'm running after him begging to have his babies, or ever was!!!

Maybe he can't stand you now? perhaps you wreck his head, perhaps he shudders at the thought of the filthy things he did to you?

[DaisyM]

Maybe he can't stand you now? perhaps you wreck his head, perhaps he shudders at the thought of the filthy things he did to you?

Maybe. But then why is he all over me when we're not in the office? I'm not asking him to pinch my arse in the lift, or give me winks across the canteen, I'm asking for a little courtesy - acknowledge me if you see me, it's just plain rude to ignore me.

[janglinjack]

And personnally, I do cut them dead for a few months at least. If I don't we tend to end up getting non-platonic again, which they don't like. I've had the "I'm not just a piece of meat" speech a few times too many.

[DaisyM]

And personnally, I do cut them dead for a few months at least. If I don't we tend to end up getting non-platonic again, which they don't like. I've had the "I'm not just a piece of meat" speech a few times too many.

How about just controlling your urges and treating the girl like a human being, maybe actually conversing about the "must make sure we don't end up in bed again" problem before it happens. How am I meant to feel, sometimes I do feel like the sight of me makes his skin crawl, and that's actually quite hurtful. You boys should be more aware of how your actions make others feel.

[i_didnt_do_nawtin]

Oh jesus. If he talked to you you'd have him up for sexual harrassment. We can't win

[Guybrush Threepwood]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

Try using his own tactics on him. It just might work.

[Proinsias]

Try using his own tactics on him. It just might work.
Or by ignoring each other they might forget about each other? And move on?


Clever man, GT.

[DaisyM]

Oh jesus. If he talked to you you'd have him up for sexual harrassment. We can't win

And what do you base that on? I don't have a problem with the guy, apart from him behaving like a pillock.

[DaisyM]

Try using his own tactics on him. It just might work.

Well this I tried, as you know...and now it's like we don't even know each other at all!

Ah fuck him. Stupid child.

[northmallexile]

I would have seen it as more of a female trait than a male, to be honest. But maybe that's me.

I can't understand,
She let go of my hand
And left me here facing the wall.
I'd sure like to know
Why she did go,
But I can't get close to her at all.
Though we kissed through the wild blazing nighttime,
She said she would never forget.
But now mornin's clear,
It's like I ain't here,
She just acts like we never have met.

It's all new to me,
Like some mystery,
It could even be like a myth.
Yet it's hard to think on,
That she's the same one
That last night I was with.
From darkness, dreams're deserted,
Am I still dreamin' yet?
I wish she'd unlock
Her voice once an' talk,
'Stead of acting like we never have met.

If she ain't feelin' well,
Then why don't she tell
'Stead of turnin' her back to my face?
Without any doubt,
She seems too far out
For me to return to her chase.
Though the night ran swirling an' whirling,
I remember her whispering yet.
But evidently she don't
An' evidently she won't,
She just acts like we never have met.

If I didn't have to guess,
I'd gladly confess
To anything I might've tried.
If I was with her too long
Or have done something wrong,
I wish she'd tell me what it is, I'll run an' hide.
Though her skirt it swayed as a guitar played,
Her mouth was watery and wet.
But now something has changed
For she ain't the same,
She just acts like we never have met.

I'm leavin' today,
I'll be on my way
Of this I can't say very much.
But if you want me to,
I can be just like you
An' pretend that we never have touched.
An' if anybody asks me, "Is it easy to forget?"
I'll say, "It's easily done,
You just pick anyone,
An' pretend that you never have met!"

[i_didnt_do_nawtin]

And what do you base that on? I don't have a problem with the guy, apart from him behaving like a pillock.

your gender and the illogical thoughts that come with it.

[DaisyM]

your gender and the illogical thoughts that come with it.

I can assure you I have no illogical thoughts associated with this particular specimen.

[Ginfizwithatwist]

if he's ok in the pub then why don't you, when you are there, ask him straight out why he feels able to talk and acknowledge you in a social situation and not on a one to one at work?

[Guybrush Threepwood]

Well this I tried, as you know...and now it's like we don't even know each other at all!

Ah fuck him. Stupid child.

Surely that's exactly how it should be for now? Except without you getting wound up over it all.

You need to get yourself another Oracle Dave.

[maggot]

Sure what do you want us to do with a piece of old/gone off meat?

I know when the meat in my fridge at home goes off, i just dump it.


Hope this helps...

[what if]

Not my personal experience, but here's my take on it.

We're no good at dealing with emotions. Best way is to bottle it all up. Hence instead of engaging with a woman you used to be emotionally involved with, it's far, far easier to just ignore her and pretend it didn't happen.


Never a truer word spoken........ Have been on the receiving end and my motto is NEXT!

[MonTheHoops]

Daisy,
He misses you, wants to be together but knows you shouldn't but the last thing he wants is his head to go through what it's been going through since you split so easier to ignore you than engage in conversation and hear about a) how good you've been and b) you moving on without him.

Or else he hates your guts.

That's my take.

[maggot]

being a maggot...do you not originate from old meat?

tucker


I'm not actually a maggot you see.

Swear…

[maggot]

I love these threads. Everyone is an export, but yet have totally different
stories.

Lol... keep it up, 'tis giving me a laugh anyway.

[MonTheHoops]

be careful on that fence there and dont fall wudja?

tucker

It would explain your actions since we've split up. that's my take on it anyway

[MonTheHoops]

hah? what the....

tucker

When you hauled your monkey ass out the back for a smoke you ignored me as we passed under the CCTV camera. You know you saw me!

[maggot]

is that like emmigrants?

tucker


Yip, but they weren't actually born abroad.

[Ginfizwithatwist]

When you hauled your monkey ass out the back for a smoke you ignored me as we passed under the CCTV camera. You know you saw me!

Probably too stunned to see himself walking like a chimp !- :mrgreen:

[MonTheHoops]

i know but i'm ok with ya in a social setting but i get all micky tied when i see ya in that lovely sports top

tucker


The green and grey does that to a lot of people

[Actin_the_Sham]

Well this I tried, as you know...and now it's like we don't even know each other at all!

Ah fuck him. Stupid child.

Who dumped who in the relationship?

[Hang_Sandwich]

Maybe. But then why is he all over me when we're not in the office? I'm not asking him to pinch my arse in the lift, or give me winks across the canteen, I'm asking for a little courtesy - acknowledge me if you see me, it's just plain rude to ignore me.

Well maybe as with many companies he prefers to leave his personal life and work life seperate? As do loads of couple - even when married

[Actin_the_Sham]

Well maybe as with many companies he prefers to leave his personal life and work life seperate? As do loads of couple - even when married

That must be weird. Walking passed your wife/husband in the corridor at work and gretting each other with "Good Afternoon" and giving a sly wink so the overlords didn't see you. Kinda like The Island or THX1138.

[Kimberley]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?
I don't know if it's a boy thing actually, I cut my ex dead. Not that I ever see him but if I did I'd probably only manage a hi out of courtesy.
I'd never want to spend time with him. We didn't work out. And the man's been inside me for God's sake.

[DaisyM]

His precious little ears must have been burning - I was just heading out on my lunch break (which I substituted with a job interview, far more slimming!) and we got stuck passing at the turnstiles. Words have been exchanged. He started it. Well...he has been out in the sun.

[Russell Jones]

thats bollocks....it might depend on how old ya are. i'm not the most maturest person in the world but if i make an emotional attachement with someone and the relationship ends there is no way i would squander that experience by cutting then dead....

if it was a case that she was a psycho stalking bitch from hell then...i would just cut her dead if i saw her...cut her good and dead!!!!!

tucker

What if they're all psycho bitches from hell?

[Gobadán]

The one I work with. It's MONTHS down the line now, and he's still being all pathetic and can barely string a sentence together in my presence, which he'd rather run over hot coals than be caught in.

He's probably in a lot of pain.

I had an office relationship (a co-dependent one). Whenver she dumped me, which was often, it cut me to the quick even to hear her laugh. It seemed awfully cruel.



.

[mithrandir]

Look I'm as emotionally stunted as the next man (feelings are gay) but when you meet an ex in a social situation there are a few rules to obey.

1. Don't gawp at them with a mixture of horror and surprise on your face before turning 180 degrees and heading for the jacks.

2. Don't get involved in an indepth conversation about their, or your, life. Just say things are going grand, that sort of thing.

3. If you're with someone new and they're standing next to you, you have to introduce them. If you don't you can expect to be an ex one more time.

4. If they have a new significant other you can't totally blank them. No matter how annoying it is you have to at least grunt something at them. You can always fixate later on how small their willy probably is.

5. Keep the conversation to safe things. Do the old how's the job/college/family etc. Three minutes is the absolute max amount of conversation. And that's really stretching it.

Stick to these and you'll be fine.

Remember, they are all psycho bitches.

[DaisyM]

Look I'm as emotionally stunted as the next man (feelings are gay) but when you meet an ex in a social situation there are a few rules to obey.

1. Don't gawp at them with a mixture of horror and surprise on your face before turning 180 degrees and heading for the jacks.

2. Don't get involved in an indepth conversation about their, or your, life. Just say things are going grand, that sort of thing.

3. If you're with someone new and they're standing next to you, you have to introduce them. If you don't you can expect to be an ex one more time.

4. If they have a new significant other you can't totally blank them. No matter how annoying it is you have to at least grunt something at them. You can always fixate later on how small their willy probably is.

5. Keep the conversation to safe things. Do the old how's the job/college/family etc. Three minutes is the absolute max amount of conversation. And that's really stretching it.

Stick to these and you'll be fine.

Remember, they are all psycho bitches.

I'm the psycho bitch (be definition of course) and it's at work that's the problem. Hey ho, I got offered a new job today, so he'll be able to lump it when I've gone. I'm sure he'll be relieved.

[janglinjack]

I'm the psycho bitch (be definition of course) and it's at work that's the problem. Hey ho, I got offered a new job today, so he'll be able to lump it when I've gone. I'm sure he'll be relieved.


A bit drastic, no?

[DaisyM]

A bit drastic, no?

Considering my office has been targeted for the bulk of redundancies being made, and that I'm in a central function department, and that the new job is about £7k more than I'm on now, No. And also that my decision to apply for the other job had bugger all to do with him as well.

[mithrandir]

And also that my decision to apply for the other job had bugger all to do with him as well.

That's what they all say...

[Kimberley]

I'm the psycho bitch (be definition of course) and it's at work that's the problem. Hey ho, I got offered a new job today, so he'll be able to lump it when I've gone. I'm sure he'll be relieved.
Well done you! Now all you've got to do is avoid the workmates you've ditched.

[KolaKubes]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead?

I've been dumpee and (effectively) dumper in the last 12 months and, in the first, it rapidly became clear there was no "middle ground" for us. If we weren't going out, we were nothing. She's given me the "like to be friends" spiel and to be honest I'm still in two minds whether I still carry a torch for her or whether I'd like to see here torched! My reaction the last time I saw her was repulsion to be honest. Not nice and very very weird considering where we used be - or how I thought we were.

In the second, we broke up because I was still going through the fallout from the above. I was at pains to make her feel as good about it as I could &, while I kept the contact down, I was always on the end of the phone if she was feeling lonely or needed a chat.

However, this progressed over time to us getting back together. Probably proving the point that such contact is "risky" territory and there's no going back to platonic.

How am I meant to feel, sometimes I do feel like the sight of me makes his skin crawl, and that's actually quite hurtful.

If he dumped you that's shocking but if you dumped him I dont' see what you've to complain about.

[wexchick]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?
It is ridiculous!! One of my exes is my best friend but another one couldn't even be civil about the whole thing! Hate that shit

[Johnnyc]

...

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

I always do my very best to keep good friends with them and this has been the case with the majority. I didn't feel obliged to stay friends with the girl who cheated on me, but I still say hello if I bump into her.

[jungle]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?
Do we?

I can't think that I behave like that, but I have gone out with women who have.

[Corcaigh32]

Would have thought it would rather depend on the nature of the break-up and who it was who did the dumping............. .

Some of them are mutual and lend themselves to "still friends and courteous behaviour" whereas most of them are one sided and depending on the depth of hurt felt either by the dumper (reason they did the dumping) or dumpee (from being dumped), it is sometimes very very hard to deal with those emotions (whether you are male or female) in a manner that allows normal everyday hi howareya contact.

[shtopem_floppen]

Why don't you ask the spa doing it and not come out with a sweeping statement

[DaisyM]

Blimey this is an old one been dug up eh.

Well, it's not about making a extra special efforts to remain buddies between me and him, it's a case of I see him every day, and isn't it nicer all round if we can hold a conversation (even if it's just a quick hi as we pass) rather than act as if we're total strangers?

[Pimp of Assassins]

I could never be civilised with an ex, unless it was a joke of a thing to begin with. This cosmopolitan/still be friends stuff is bull. It'd either be, oh, maybe we can get back together, or, simply, total ignore. There's no "grown up" in "you fucked my heart" or "I fucked your heart" or "you fucked my ass and now I feel wierd and, just, just, stay away".

Pimp

[DaisyM]

I could never be civilised with an ex, unless it was a joke of a thing to begin with. This cosmopolitan/still be friends stuff is bull. There's no "grown up" in "you fucked my heart".

Pimp

So if you were guaranteed that your paths would cross EVERY day, you'd ignore her?

[KolaKubes]

Blimey this is an old one been dug up eh.

Well, it's not about making a extra special efforts to remain buddies between me and him, it's a case of I see him every day, and isn't it nicer all round if we can hold a conversation (even if it's just a quick hi as we pass) rather than act as if we're total strangers?

It depends, it depends.

I think the dumper has some obligation to remain civil to the dumpee so long as the dumpee didn't deserve it for being a prick AND the dumpee (male or female) isn't gone all bunny boiler about it and can't quite get their head around the platonic bit.

However, if the dumpee wants to hate you and ignore you, that's your tough for dumping them. They might feel that's the only thing that have left to use against you, not givin you a single minute more of their time.

Personally speaking, the last time I saw my ex I didn't even want to look at her and thought I might break out in hives if I got too close. A particular hang-up was getting that thin fake smile.

[DaisyM]

It depends, it depends.

I think the dumper has some obligation to remain civil to the dumpee so long as the dumpee didn't deserve it for being a prick AND the dumpee (male or female) isn't gone all bunny boiler about it and can't quite get their head around the platonic bit.

However, if the dumpee wants to hate you and ignore you, that's your tough for dumping them. They might feel that's the only thing that have left to use against you, not givin you a single minute more of their time.

Personally speaking, the last time I saw my ex I didn't even want to look at her and thought I might break out in hives if I got too close. A particular hang-up was getting that thin fake smile.

Well, he was the dumper and I was the dumpee, and it was all very civilised at the time, and I understood his reasons. However, it was 2 days after my birthday and the day before my birthday party - which he still attended, and I've never been bunny boilery to him at all. It's all a very long time ago now, and pretty irrelevant, but it's still interesting reading how other people would deal with same situation!

[Pimp of Assassins]

So if you were guaranteed that your paths would cross EVERY day, you'd ignore her?

- I'd do my best to leave/change location. I left a dodgy psychology course on account of this very topic.

Pimp

[DaisyM]

- I'd do my best to leave/change location. I left a dodgy psychology course on account of this very topic.

Pimp

Even if the breakup had been really painless?!?!

[KolaKubes]

Even if the breakup had been really painless?!?!

If you were the dumpee and he's making you feel like shit, that is really low and calls for a big brother to come beat him up for you.

I shouldn't worry about it. He's clearly gay and embarrassed that you'll tell someone about his insistence on you using a strap on on him.

[DaisyM]

He's still all bizarre around me, but I'm past caring...this thread was started a long time ago. But as I said, it's interesting to see people's different attitudes!

[helmutderhaas]

Depends on how it works out i guess ... if the bitch wants it both ways .. i.e. try to get g/f privileges, favors etc ... fuck it .. dont bother pursuing a friendship...

Its always a bit of a headfuck being friends with someone who's given you sucky sucky before.

[farna_boy]

Well, he was the dumper and I was the dumpee, and it was all very civilised at the time, and I understood his reasons. However, it was 2 days after my birthday and the day before my birthday party - which he still attended, and I've never been bunny boilery to him at all. It's all a very long time ago now, and pretty irrelevant, but it's still interesting reading how other people would deal with same situation!

Up until this point I had the perfect song which described how he could have felt if he were the dumpee... Now tho i'm just as fucked up about it as you are/were.
Given tho that so many people (ok 2 that I know of) have been dumped recently on the board I'll post the lyrics anyway. Its a class song and atually does kinda explain the emotions of a break up. Il see if I can actually find da actual song too somewhere....

I'm alone, sitting with my broken glass
My four walls follow me through my past
I was on a Paris train
I emerged in London rain
And you waiting there swimming through apologies

I remember searching for the perfect words
I was hoping you might change your mind
I remember the soldier standing next to me
Riding on the Metro

I was smiling as you took my hand
Saw the mood we spoke in France
You were passed as shallow word
It isn't passed there's still a hurt
You were passed as shallow word
It isn't passed there's still a hurt
I can see you now smiling as I pulled away..
sorry

I remember the letter wrinkled in my hand
"I'll love you always" filled my eyes
I remember the night we walked along the Seine
Riding on the Metro

I remember a feeling coming over me
The soldier turned, then walked away
FUCK YOU for loving me
Riding on the Metro

[farna_boy]

Found the song here (http://www.haughte.com/metro.mp3). Its not the original but tbh meh...

[hands]

...why it is...when you break up with a girl, do you find it necessary to cut her dead? If your paths are going to cross on a regular basis, why do you feel this need to make her feel that she actually no longer exists?

Can't you just be grown up and civilised?

I guess it depends to what degree you were using her for sex really... Typically, the birds I just completely drop are ones I had zero interest in (asides from the fact that I was boning them)