The Phantom Shitter

[FL4ZGN]

WARNING: this exposition is all about shitting. You may want to read this in private, especially if the subject of shitting makes you uncomfortable. You should continue reading, however. Particularly if shitting makes you uncomfortable.

[DOBBER22]

WARNING: this exposition is all about shitting. You may want to read this in private, especially if the subject of shitting makes you uncomfortable. You should continue reading, however. Particularly if shitting makes you uncomfortable.

I will read it but I'm not cleaning it

[sunbabe08]

not picking it up.... u did it u pick it up

[FL4ZGN]

I work in an office building, and like most environments of this nature, there is a mens bathroom, equipped with seven or so cubicles to service the needs of the men on my floor.

There is a man (or a woman using the men’s toilets) in our building who has a predilection for playing with their poo (or using their poo as a tool to play with us).

Yes, it’s as repulsive as it sounds.

Let me elaborate.

Our resident coprophiliac’s behaviour is entirely random. Over the past eighteen months they’ve been known to smear their faeces all over the cubicle and toilet seat, throw it at the ceiling, throw it on the floor, put it in the hand basin, or just leave enormous turds submerged in the bowl without a sign of loo paper in sight. Accordingly and appropriately, the perpetrator has been named “the phantom shitter” or TPS for short, by fellow staff. Today TPS opted for the latter option and left an enormous stinky mountain of turd in the toilet bowl of cubicle four. When I caught sight of it about 30 minutes ago I took matters into my own hands and sent off an e-mail to the facilities department.

[Mr. Monty]

Get out and shake yourself...

[DOBBER22]

You will never catch the Phantom Shitter some say he does not exist but I say he lives on

[Mr. Monty]

Is this a long way around to talking about this again:
http://www.peoplesrepublico fcork.com/~peoplesr/forums/showthread.php?t=442 42

[corkman in dublin]

sounds like you have a really classy work mate.filthy bastard he or she could have least written sorry on the door to soften the blow.he he he or maybe it was too nutty to write with

[FL4ZGN]

sounds like you have a really classy work mate.filthy bastard he or she could have least written sorry on the door to soften the blow.he he he or maybe it was too nutty to write with


Is flushing the toilet after using, too much to ask?

I just saw something horrific, and I can't get the image out of my head.

This is the same bathroom that was the occasional target of the phantom shitter, a few years ago. The phantom left a package in the sink, as well as in the corner of the end stall. It was a tight corner, and I imagine it was quite a struggle to aim and fire as as well as he did.

Why would somebody do this? I really don't get it.

[FL4ZGN]

He has struck again today lads.

Thank god i was not in the office.

[Rolo Feen]

e-mail collectively to the authorities of the business to find the culprit, or suffer a mass walkout by staff...

cctv, or personal investigator.

harsh, but fair.

[DOBBER22]

He will never be caught he has mastered the art of divilment

[FL4ZGN]

He will never be caught he has mastered the art of divilment


He will be caught. The cleaning lady was in tears again this morning over the fuckers carry on.

[paulie]

I'm laughing my ass off here despite myself...

that's disgraceful carry on though in fairness...

what line of work are you in... i'm just wondering what kind of industry produces someone like this...

please tell me you work in IT...

by the way, have ye narrowed it down at all?

[FL4ZGN]

I'm laughing my ass off here despite myself...

that's disgraceful carry on though in fairness...

what line of work are you in... i'm just wondering what kind of industry produces someone like this...

please tell me you work in IT...

by the way, have ye narrowed it down at all?


There are about seven suspects in total and one or more of those suspects does in fact work in IT.

A few weeks ago the culprit wrote "The Phantom Shitter" on the back of the toilet door. He wrote this in his own feaces.

The cleaning lady was in tears and this guy is turning into some kind of celebrity around these parts.

[paulie]

There are about seven suspects in total and one or more of those suspects does in fact work in IT.

A few weeks ago the culprit wrote "The Phantom Shitter" on the back of the toilet door. He wrote this in his own feaces.

The cleaning lady was in tears and this guy is turning into some kind of celebrity around these parts.

sorry, while completely despicable, that's also very funny

[norrie rugger head]

ha ha ha.

that is fucking hillarious!!
where are you working? as there was a guy in CIT doing that a few years back.

by the way when talking about a phantom shitter it might be better to not mention taking things into your own hand

[Del]

I have tears in my eyes reading this, I'm also getting funny looks in the office!

[FL4ZGN]

I have tears in my eyes reading this, I'm also getting funny looks in the office!


Thats fine and dandy until the ps strikes in your office jacks.

[DOBBER22]

http://www.leconcombre.com/serials/comics/img4/phantom-diary_1993.jpg

He should keep a diary it would make an interesting read
The Memoirs of a Phantom Shitter
By Mr. P. Shitter

[jacob]

This is a story of my grads. Two parties involved, the tosser and the lune. The tosser wore a white tux, the lune took a shit into a hanky and emptied it into the pocket of the tossers white tux jacket!!

[DOBBER22]

This is a story of my grads. Two parties involved, the tosser and the lune. The tosser wore a white tux, the lune took a shit into a hanky and emptied it into the pocket of the tossers white tux jacket!!

Sounds like a Phantom

[FL4ZGN]

Sounds like a Phantom


It cant be the phantom as he would never reveal his true identity.

[BagaTaytos]

It cant be the phantom as he would never reveal his true identity.

Maybe he craps with a mask on?

[FL4ZGN]

Maybe he craps with a mask on?


Well my stinky companion all we can do is speculate.

[FL4ZGN]

Come to think of it here is a story from a few years back

Myself and a friend were on a two week holiday in Cyprus.On around the fourth day of this trip, I stepped into one of the elevators on my way to dinner. When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting odor. I looked downand found that someone had left a pile of feces in the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was waiting there to get on. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my mates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced me to report this to the reception desk. I left the table and went to the desk.

I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the elevators."
Reply: "Have they fallen? Are they hurt?"
I stated: "No, not that kind of accident."
Reply: "Are they sick?"

I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator."
The expression of horror on the girls face was indescribable.

The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while walking in the corridor outside her room, she also encountered a pile of shit. She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the reception desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had.

Before the first week of this holiday was over, we had not discovered the identity of this phantom shitter; but that is a whole other story.

[BagaTaytos]

Come to think of it here is a story from a few years back

Myself and a friend were on a two week holiday in Cyprus.On around the fourth day of this trip, I stepped into one of the elevators on my way to dinner. When the doors closed I was overcome with a disgusting odor. I looked downand found that someone had left a pile of feces in the center of the elevator. I was alone in the elevator and my first thought was "what if the doors open and someone thinks that I did this." When the elevator stopped, I was relieved to find that no one was waiting there to get on. I rushed to dinner and quickly told my mates what I had encountered. After some laughing, they convinced me to report this to the reception desk. I left the table and went to the desk.

I stated: "Someone has had an accident in one of the elevators."
Reply: "Have they fallen? Are they hurt?"
I stated: "No, not that kind of accident."
Reply: "Are they sick?"

I stated: "There is a pile of shit in the elevator."
The expression of horror on the girls face was indescribable.

The next evening, one of the women at our table reported that while walking in the corridor outside her room, she also encountered a pile of shit. She went on to tell us that when she reported this to the reception desk, her conversation went pretty much like mine had.

Before the first week of this holiday was over, we had not discovered the identity of this phantom shitter; but that is a whole other story.

Crap story TBT....

[watermelon]

Why so crass TBT?

[FL4ZGN]

Why so crass TBT?

Clearly, I’ve had enough of this mess and I don’t care if it takes a witch hunt to get this thing to stop. If there’s a next time, I swear I’m going to photograph the damage and post it on our intranet with a reward for whoever can successfully identify the owner. I don’t care if I’m taking things too far. I don’t care if people get offended. Quite frankly, I’m well within my rights to refuse to deal with other people’s faeces – it’s one of the reasons I chose to work with adults* and not children still in nappies. Let the turd wars begin

[BagaTaytos]

Funnily enough, I know of another company in Cork with a phantom shitter problem up until recently. So, everyone, from the MD down signed up for blood tests (I didn't know you could do this!?) to identify the culprit.......well everyone except one guy, who protested, mentioning his civil rights etc etc...

The problem stopped.

[DOBBER22]

Phantoms do not stay dormant for long and once awakened it shall ensue

[jacob]

Todaysbreadtoday,
I think that you have a serious problem. You are the common link to a lot of these shitting incidents. You may have a split personality, like edward norton in fight club, except you dont do anything half as cool.
Your dark side goes around discreetly shitting everywhere while the other side, desparate for acceptence, friendship or even respect acts like Ms. Maple or Holmes, always asking questions, always giving out the image of being on the trail of the phantom shitter.
You need help, go to see the men in white coats, or start taking your medication again before its too late and you are found out to be the phantom shitter and cast into a life of ridicule for the rest of your days.

[FL4ZGN]

Todaysbreadtoday,
I think that you have a serious problem. You are the common link to a lot of these shitting incidents. You may have a split personality, like edward norton in fight club, except you dont do anything half as cool.
Your dark side goes around discreetly shitting everywhere while the other side, desparate for acceptence, friendship or even respect acts like Ms. Maple or Holmes, always asking questions, always giving out the image of being on the trail of the phantom shitter.
You need help, go to see the men in white coats, or start taking your medication again before its too late and you are found out to be the phantom shitter and cast into a life of ridicule for the rest of your days.


Rule No 1 wum.

You do not talk about fight club.

[jacob]

wink*wink*wink*

[jacob]

wink*wink*wink*about shit club? Are you related to shit brick?

[FL4ZGN]

wink*wink*wink*about shit club? Are you related to shit brick?


FUCK OFF WUM

[FL4ZGN]

Chaos in the office.

Facilities guy just passed wearing a big yellow waterproof suit and carrying a powerhose.

The phantom has struck again.

[Aislegullim]

Chaos in the office.

Facilities guy just passed wearing a big yellow waterproof suit and carrying a powerhose.

The phantom has struck again.

Hard to believe that anyone would behave like this!! The blood test story sounds like a good solution. Only the guilty party will refuse to take the test........although there are lots of folks out there with a fear of needles......

[LittleBrownFish]

FUCK OFF WUM

- I've just realised it; you laugh at everything else but yourself...

That's awful.

- LBF

[FL4ZGN]

Bumped for DBO.