Smokey Looney is back after his latest court appearance, and his worldview hasn't changed. This time he visits University College Cork, where he strikes a blow for freedom..." />

Smokey goes to College

Posted on Jan 28, 2003 in Smokey Looney


Smokey Goes to College
I thought I'd never see the day lads, I swear. Like Roy Keane, I never thought I'd make it past the gates of UCC. And they'd be right not ta leave me in - me, Smokey Looney, with my reputation, like! But here we are - meself, me brother Crowbar an Toby Noonan's brother Vincenzo. Up in 'college', surrounded by teachers an posh feens!So anyways, this is what we're here for. Them students are takin a break from talkin about gomey things like social-ology an medicine ta concentrate on somethin important for wance. A subject close ta me heart, not ta mention me lungs. They're goin ta be arguin about whether hash should be legal or not. I think it should, cos somewan told me there'd be cheaper deals if it was.
College: it's like the dole for snobby feens. Spend the week drinkin an tokin while somewan else foots the bill. I didn't see no wan doin no learnin, but there was plenty goin on in the bar. Some manky pub though lads, I'll tell ye that much. An there were none a the type of ol dolls I'd go for - ya know, short skirts n wonderbras, knee-high boots, lots a lipstick n makeup... gattin their eighth bottle a Smirnoff Ice, singin the Ketchup Song. My kinda woman, but there's none a them round here!I always knew them students were lyin when ya hear them talkin about how hard they haveta work an that. Seems this is the sorta thing they really get upta in college - writin their names on some form ta say they don't want America ta nuke Iraq. I know yeah, what a pack a gowls. If I was yer man President Clinton or whatever he called, I wouldn't be listnin to a bunch a scruffy Philosophy student langers either.
After a few 'cigarettes' down by the river, it was time for the hash argument. An fair play ta them college feens, they think of everythin. They had food laid on for us an all. We stopped off for a dozen or so chocolate bars ta keep us goin. Musta been the walk up from town that made us work up the appetite, like.This fella's called Ming the Merciless. He's goin ta be arguin that they should allow ya ta smoke hash. An by the looks a him he'd be at the tokes himself from wan end a the day ta the next. Almost put me off the gear, if this is what smokin it for long enough does ta ya. Almost, like. Vincenzo went straight up an offered him a hundred an forty an ounce for the best gear he'd on him, but Ming was havin none of it. Musta been some daycent smoke if he could turn down a price like that.
I nearly legged out the gap when I saw these two langers on the door. Dressed the exact same as lawmen, like. Talk about a guaranteed way of trippin a feen out! I thought they were makin eveywan stand for search before goin in an all. Pure freaked me ta bits, like. It was alright though, they were just college feens tellin us we couldn't make noise or take any pictures of the fellas arguin. So in we went.We were lookin forward ta the argument, but it turned out it was like bein back in school, only more boring. They weren't givin out any tips on rollin joints, or where's the best place ta get gear when there's a drought, or what ta do when yer overcome by paranoia, or anythin useful like that. Meself an the two boys decided we'd be better off takin some action, so we went back outside an stood up for what we believe in. That's Vincenzo on the left an Crowbar on the right. The fella in the middle's Bob Marley.
Anyway, it was just as well we left when we did, cos I was startin ta get hungry again, like.Got talkin to a couple a them students who looked like the sorta feens ya'd see queuein for Freakscene while on yer way to a classier establishment. Stringy-haired, four-eyed feens dressed like dossers. Spoke fierce posh, like, but turns out they're murder for the tokes. Ended up meself, Crowbar an Vincenzo gettin invited back ta this gaff near the Sinn F'

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