‘See you in 7 Years, You Pricks’ – Says Dolphin Head

1st Nov 2018

Buoyed by his massive single figure percentage share of the vote in Ireland’s recent Presidential election, businessman and TV personality Seán ‘Dolphin Head’ Gallagher has vowed to fight every election until he is elected president of Ireland starting with the 2025 election.

Since narrowly losing the vote by almost 50% to Michael D. Higgins, Gallagher has returned to the sea as one of the actors that rotate the job of playing Fungi the Dolphin in Dingle Harbour and is said to be plotting his next campaign while being pursued by boats of tourists.

A spokesman for the amphibious Monaghanian said Gallagher was up for the fight with whoever chose to “step into the ring, jump through it or balance a ball on their nose”.

“Seán will return to the race for the Áras with an impressive set of policies that are even more vague than his previous two outings and is determined that he will win it – even if that means beating the ghost of Michael D. Higgins”.

2025 here we come.