Rebels and the Royals

15th Aug 2007

Royals Can Be Reduced to Peasants
Finbarr Barry

Middleton: as close to Cork as the Royals will ever get

In Cork we've no time for pretenders or those who hold a title without paying their due. Facing a county proudly referring to themselves as royalty is red-rag-to-a-bull for any Rebel: we all know that the 'West Dubs' didn't just take the soup - they made it!

The Queen wouldn't be too happy with the way some of her subjects have been behaving themselves however. A losing start to their football campaign made it seem that another 'annus horriblius' was on the cards and it could yet end up that way next Sunday if Billy Morgan's men can exert their authority in Croke Park.

ROYAL MESS
But before the championship had begun Meath forward and schmozzler-in-chief Graham Geraghty announced his intention to run in the General Election as a candidate for Fine Gael.

Ice Ice baby: Geraghty during his 1992 hip hop phase

A party often said to be lacking punch, it seems the leadership took the criticism too literally and gave the notoriously aggressive footballer a ticket on the Fine Gael bill. Bainisteoir Colm Coyle can't have been too pleased about the focus of one of his main assets on the eve of an opening Leinster quarter final with Dublin - not to mention Geraghty's long term toggling between Meath and Westmeath clubs to appeal to voters. Royal but certainly not loyal.

Unsurprisingly the move turned out to be a disaster. He barely topped 1,200 votes and was eliminated before the returning officer took his first tea break. Even his own supporters would have sensed the rage boiling inside the fair haired All Star as he walked from the count centre. Somebody would pay for this - most likely via an orthodontist's invoice.

INTERNAL COMBUSTION
It wasn't long coming. Barely over the fallout from Prince Harry's Nazi costume joke, and his brother's split with Kate Middleton, Royal fans got news in early July that Geraghty had a major punch up with one of his own team mates, Stephen Sheppard, during a training session in Navan. Finally witnessing the Neolithic instincts of their secret weapon turn on one of their own, Royal management decided to hold a special squad meeting where Meath players sensationally decided they wanted Geraghty out for good - his second vote of no confidence in a matter of weeks.

Like a dog-loving family finally realising that their gate-guarding rothweiler was also a serious threat to themselves, it looked like Meath were finally coming around to the idea that they might be better off without their own mad-dog's "special services".

The embarrassing internal soap opera, now splashed all over the nation's sports pages, still had one more twist. On July 17th as Galway were seen emerging towards the Royal Palace for the qualifiers, jittery Meath management sensationally doubled back on their decision to banish Geraghty and conceded to a meeting with the former All star. Clearly, his new found political smooth talking didn't go entirely wasted on the constituents of Meath West. Suddenly he was back in the squad.

Billy finally gives Goulding the nod.

Delving into GAA rule books it seems whoever is tasked with marking Mr. Punchy on Sunday may be allowed to wear a helmet. You might say that it has never been seen before but likewise we have never seen the staggering indifference of referees when Geraghty decides to take a swing or stick a boot into the opposition (Enda Kenny and Simon Coveney should be thanking their lucky stars that they're not reduced to breaking up free-for-alls at parliamentary meetings).

If the GAA are going to give him free reign to go kung-fu fighting on Sunday surely Billy Morgan should be allowed to protect his players? Saying that though, our boys are well able to look after themselves.

Cork's footballers have been showing all season that they won't be bossed around by any 'physical' team. Surprisingly this year, despite the best efforts of Dara Ó Sé and Paul Galvin, no Cork player was left in a coma after the Munster Final which shows the Kerry boys are going to have to hide iron bars in their socks if they want to knock us out when we meet in the final.

Masters playing with broken arms against Tyrone earlier this year

Then there's James Masters. A bit of blood around the mouth after a high tackle would have most Premiership "stars" rolling around the pitch in well practiced throws of agony. Following a stream of tears, pitiful self-examination and pleading eyes towards the referee they're carted off on a stretcher to meet the highest bidding tabloid journalist to sell their story.

Having been smashed in the face by a "trailing" Sligo arm and carrying an excruciatingly painful broken jaw the young Cork Garda incredibly continued to play out the final fifteen minutes of the quarter final clash against Sligo.

He nonchalantly strolled off the pitch to the cheers of the travelling Cork support who would only learn through the brash tones of Pat Spillane on the Sunday Game (when are they going to tell him to stop roaring?) that the hardened Cork ace had been playing with a broken jaw.

There's no doubting it will be tough and rough on Sunday, especially without Masters, but this Cork team is as hard as nails and has more than enough talent to fight fire with fire and reduce the cocky self proclaimed 'Royal' County to mere peasants.

Cork (SFC v Meath - one change since Vs Sligo):

A Quirke,
M Shields, G Canty; K O'Connor,
N O'Leary, G Spillane, A Lynch,
D Kavanagh, N Murphy,
J Miskella, P O'Neill, K McMahon,
D Goulding, M Cussen, D O'Connor.