Pope Found in Horse Burger

Posted on Feb 18, 2013 in News

 
 

 

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs. 



Mane news: The Brit newspapers know how
to stirrup the controversy 

A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.



A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests. 


Coveney has some explaining to do

 

 
September 2014: Cork Gig Preview

September 2014: Cork Gig Preview

Jungle Brothers, Paul Van Dyk and Lloyd Cole come to Cork and Coughlans Live festival kicks off at the end of the month..

Read More

Win Tickets for The ‘Live’ Last Waltz

Win Tickets for The ‘Live’ Last Waltz

10 piece band play the music from Martin Scorsese famous documentary. Win yourself a pair of tickets for the Sunday 7th September show....

Read More

Red Shoots - Tons of New Businesses Opening in Cork

Red Shoots - Tons of New Businesses Opening in Cork

The papers would make you think otherwise but there are a ton of new businesses opening their doors in Cork city centre. Here are some of the latest...

Read More

Cork Beat Tipp 3-0 in Flares

Cork Beat Tipp 3-0 in Flares

Cork scored a major victory over Tipperary fans in Dublin on Sunday as they managed to light three red flares while Tipp remained scoreless...

Read More

Space Station Banter with Cork Air Traffic Control Revealed

Space Station Banter with Cork Air Traffic Control Revealed

Transcripts of conversation between PROC tower in Knocka and the International Space Station as it passed over Cork on Sunday night

Read More

 
 

Advertising