Pope Found in Horse Burger

Posted on Feb 18, 2013 in News

 
 

 

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs. 



Mane news: The Brit newspapers know how
to stirrup the controversy 

A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.



A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests. 


Coveney has some explaining to do

 

 
10 Hours Walking Around Clon as a Woman

10 Hours Walking Around Clon as a Woman

Can a woman not walk the streets of towns like Clonakilty these days without being harassed.....about the weather?

Read More

Rosetta Probe Actually From Cork

Rosetta Probe Actually From Cork

European Space Agency probe Rosetta (Nee Dennehy) is originally from Bandon, Co. Cork has claimed a comet called 67P on behalf of the People's Republic.

Read More

Corkonians Guide to Dundalk

Corkonians Guide to Dundalk

Cork City FC can win the league on Friday night but it means travelling and winning in 'Gundalk'. Here's our guide to a town founded by the I.R.A. in 1973...

Read More

Keane Still Box Office

Keane Still Box Office

With the launch of The New Testament followed by two great results for the Republic of Ireland, The Real Manager has shown he is still light years ahead of his critics...

Read More

10 Reasons JBM Should Stay On

10 Reasons JBM Should Stay On

Will he stay or will he go? After three years of stability and unity we think Cork legend JBM should give it another year at least....

Read More

 
 

Advertising