Pope Found in Horse Burger

Posted on Feb 18, 2013 in News

 
 

 

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs. 



Mane news: The Brit newspapers know how
to stirrup the controversy 

A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.



A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests. 


Coveney has some explaining to do

 

 
September 2015: Cork Gig Preview

September 2015: Cork Gig Preview

Two festivals dominate the gig landscape this month with Coughlans Live Music Festival and the brand new Sounds From a Safe Harbour Festival...check out our 3 minute video preview

Read More

Ode to JBM

Ode to JBM

PROC's poetic pen had to come out with Cork hurling bainisteoir Jimmy Barry Murphy deciding to resign...

Read More

Cork Chamber Rise to PROC Challenge

Cork Chamber Rise to PROC Challenge

Nine Cork Chamber volunteered to help remove huge amounts of graffiti from the city centre in response to our challenge to local businesses and business organisations....

Read More

PROC’s Graffiti Removal Challenge

PROC’s Graffiti Removal Challenge

We challenge Cork businesses and organisations to come out and help rid the city centre entirely of ugly tags and graffiti....and here are some we prepared earlier!

Read More

Man Admits Lidl Bargain Tools Addiction

Man Admits Lidl Bargain Tools Addiction

A Cork man has admitted that he may be addicted to buying enormous amounts of tools and other DIY equipment from the bargain bins of low-cost German supermarkets.

Read More

 
 

Advertising