Pope Found in Horse Burger

Posted on Feb 18, 2013 in News

 
 

 

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs. 



Mane news: The Brit newspapers know how
to stirrup the controversy 

A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.



A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests. 


Coveney has some explaining to do

 

 
Pana Papers: Signup for a PROC Offshore Bank Account Today

Pana Papers: Signup for a PROC Offshore Bank Account Today

Got a langer load of spondoolies you need to hide from that tax grabbing crowd up in Dublin but would love your friends to know about? Join PROC bank today and let us make stashing your cash easier than playing hurling against Kerrymen.

Read More

‘Welcome to Cork’ Street Art - Part 2

‘Welcome to Cork’ Street Art - Part 2

There are political langballs all over the shop trying to divide nations and reverse integration and tolerance. We shouldn't take Cork's contrasting harmony for granted...

Read More

So Much Winning: Which double are you on about, bah?

So Much Winning: Which double are you on about, bah?

The FAI Cup double? The Cup and League double? Or the Men and Women double? Your guide to the mesmerising stack of Cork City FC victories, doubles and double-doubles...

Read More

Dundalk Fans To Receive Comeuppance Award

Dundalk Fans To Receive Comeuppance Award

After spending the entire FAI cup booing Cork City goalkeeper Mark McNulty and then witnessing his stunning cup winning penalty save, Dundalk fans are to receive a special award...

Read More

Traffic Box Mural - The Real King of Football

Traffic Box Mural - The Real King of Football

John Caulfield achieved the league and FAI Cup double this year clearly making him the king of world football...

Read More

 
 

Advertising