Pope Found in Horse Burger

Posted on Feb 18, 2013 in News

 
 

 

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs. 



Mane news: The Brit newspapers know how
to stirrup the controversy 

A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.



A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests. 


Coveney has some explaining to do

 

 
I Taught Peter O’Mahony Everything He Knows Says Fota Wildlife Lion King

I Taught Peter O’Mahony Everything He Knows Says Fota Wildlife Lion King

As Cork’s Peter O’Mahony lines out to captain the British and Irish Lions against the All Blacks in New Zealand a lion at Fota Island wildlife park has opened up the PROC about his relationship with the Irish number 6.

Read More

Hurling Boner: Our 7 Favourite Moments From Cork v The Blaas

Hurling Boner: Our 7 Favourite Moments From Cork v The Blaas

From Conor Lehane's outrageous catch and point to the 'shoulder of the year' on poor Kevin Moran by Bill Cooper, Sunday's match gave us a bit more than a hurling semi...

Read More

June 2017: Cork Live Music Preview

June 2017: Cork Live Music Preview

Soul in the City festival, Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, The Band Anna, Mitski, Elbow at the Marquee and a load more....

Read More

Majority of People in Skibbereen Will Have Won Rowing Medals by 2025

Majority of People in Skibbereen Will Have Won Rowing Medals by 2025

And in thirty years time it is projected that the number of people from the town who have achieved a podium finish at the highest level in the sport will exceed the total number of people living in the town

Read More

Protestant Hurling Victory For Corkman

Protestant Hurling Victory For Corkman

Cork's sporting hero, Irish captain and world hockey goalkeeper of the year David Harte has won the Dutch league. Hurling fans may watch this clip as long as they attend confession immediately afterwards...

Read More

 
 

Advertising