by Vank Van Oofer
While I am coming to visit your city a month ago I am impressed by the many sights. The people were friendly, always buying me the black drinks and telling to me the goodest places to go in my tourism. I am learning words like "bazzer" and "old doll". You Cork people are crazy. Also you are happy people and you are loving Cork as much as me. I think I know why.
You know we have many special freedoms in Holland that we enjoy and when I travel, I miss these. As you know, we are having the freedom of the grass and hash. We are having especially the freedom of the women and men. You know how you can go to an building and experience many pleasures for very little expensive euro. Always when I am in Ireland last month I think: Hmmm I would love to have some freedoms right now because I have no girlfriend in my association.
I have to get the bus to the place called Ringaskiddy soon to get the boot back to home and what my delight when I see such a place. Here is a good place right by the bus stop for me to spend some time while I am waiting. Many of the special businesses in Amsterdam are having girls in the rooms and if you insert the euros into them they are making some pleasures for you. Sometimes I bring my family because they have minds that are expanding and in Holland this is good. They also have for sale: the toys and videos. Some places have the videos and you can pull your pants down and climax there for just a few euros.
Then I am looking for a special business (which in Amsterdam are the buildings which have many dirt on them to help bring more customers) like this in Cork. This dirt is the signal that it is a "special" business. Then I make a noise like "WOW WEE" because I am seeing a party place in your City called "The Bus Eireann". I don't know what the Gaelic name means but I guess it is because all the busses come by there.
This place right in the middle of the City located next to the busses! Cool ! There are planning difficulties in Holland with putting this kind of thing in the city centre. They are in a special part of the city called 'The Red Light District' in English. This is because The Coorpsfeltern Amsterdam believe they look real bad for tourists. Who cares yes ? Also I am seeing that the cafe is growing the marijuana freely on the window so I am thinking wow this place has a café too!
I am trying to see if they will play harvesting games with the window boxes but the men are telling me to go home. I really like a spliff before I go to the booth. It is only 4 O'Clock in the afternoon but I think they must have no drugs left for all the people because you guys are crazy and have probably bought them all. Also I am wondering about the marijuana that is being sold here. The cafÃˆ is saying "Glandore" on it and I look at my map and think maybe if I had more time I should go to West Cork because the best marijuana is probably coming from here. Wow! Cork is so cool.
Finally I find the booths. I figure this is the correct place to be because there are advertisements there on the door for sex. Phone numbers for the men that like other men. These ads are for free too I think, in Holland you have to pay because it is competition for the business you are standing in. The steel doors are a good idea because they can hold the peoples from outside to looking at what you are doing.
Just like in Holland you can see many peoples have been here before, so it makes it feel okay. It is okay to do things like this. The smell is the same too but you guys have thought of everything and put also a toilet bowl here. Wow! it gives a smell that many of the places in my city cannot make. The owners must spend a long time to get this right ? There is a saying in our Red LIght District that "less oxygen makes the blood go faster". In Cork I am nearly having my heart attack!
I am also laughing because there is a happy man who is making strange noises in the booth next door. Because of the the noises I am thinking he was also a fan of the music of George Michael! In Holland we do not make these noises, we perform this act in silence. But you guys are cool about this and the air is getting heavy now with his breathings.
Then all the time I am looking for the place to put the euro to start the video but I am not seeing it. I cannot see the video screen. I cannot see the slot. Maybe it is broken, yes ? I look everywhere and in my looking I have fallen on the floor. Now I am wet and I smell like yellow water from the person. Cool, that gets me off....I must tell my friends about this cool place called Cork!