Exam Guide 3: PRC Career Advice

6th Jun 2003

PeoplesRepublicOfCork.com Career Advice

City's Bell ringer: a supreme honour.

Cork City Tour Guide
Includes six months bell ringing training at Shandon Steeple Institute of Education and seven months training as an overseer at Blarney Castle supervising the kissing of the Blarney stone. This will involve studying the structure of the ageing human body in preparation for ensuring the safety of bus loads of drooling stiff elderly Americans. A weakness for vast amounts of saliva is a disadvantage.
The second half of the course will involve obtaining a “Cork City Tour Guide” certificate. With the current physical condition of the city centre you will be sent to Iraq and Northern Ireland for spin doctoring lessons to answer the questions of confused and unimpressed tourists who enquire as to why their tour guide is deliberately avoiding the main streets.

"No questions langers I'm not a teacher"

School Lunch time Supervisions Officer
Another nifty public sector number created through teacher’s strikes for those wannabe teachers out there. Those who secretly desire the authority of being a teacher without bearing the stigma of actually being one. On top of that now you don’t have to go somewhere unappealing like Limerick to train as one either.
Numerous positions are available without any training. Teachers’ greed is already draining the exchequer like a bucket with a hole but what should you care….jump aboard!
Remember that despite the pleasure of extraordinarily high wages, you will have to live with the guilt that for every hour you are paid for in your supervision role several elderly patients will spend an extra hour on a trolley in the car park of a hospital in Cork.

 

Do be workin and do be drivin

Boy Racer Certificate
Before getting excited at the prospect of two years hurtling around the city in your Honda Civic under the banner of furthering your education take note that entry does require passing a portfolio and interview stage. Your portfolio will be expected to contain pictures of cars you have studied, proposed project work for example: improving the down force of your car with your alloys. The interview stage will be tough and only the experienced will succeed:
What’s the maximum amount of driver’s head allowed to be visible in a civic ? What’s the maximum allowable ratio of feens to old dolls allowed in a punto? What’s to be done If an old doll calls “shotgun*” before a feen does?
* laying claim to the front passenger seat of a vehicle.

 

Public sector: Low pressure high pay

Planning Department Official
A career with the Main Drainage Scheme and the Pana Renewal Works might certainly be one for life if the gang over at City Hall have their way. Like a professional football team in the dying minutes of a cup final they will slow the game as the end draws near, knowing they have reached their goal. The main drainage scheme, already in extra time, looks like it will go all the way to sudden death by the 3 inches per week rate of progress.

As a Planning Student you will be trained in delaying tactics, unnecessary paperwork management as well as attending classes in inverse logic. The course will involve work placement at City Hall and County Hall planning departments along with up to 500 other students simultaneously. It is hoped that significantly over staffing each planning department will actually reverse the intended purpose of making the service more efficient and result in it being even more confusing and disorientated than before. A job for life if there ever was one!

 

Nice dancing but its your fun bags we're interested in love.

Pole Dancer/Lap Dance Club Operator
The birth of the Republic of Ireland’s Celtic Tiger which also bought benefits to the People’s Republic Of Cork saw the opening of the first lap dancing club here. The recent sagging of the economy and drop in Cork’s hard finances was not mirrored among Cork’s males enabling the lap dancing industry to keep up a head of steam…..in supplying well paid jobs. Many key positions are still available and specialist training is usually provided in-house behind closed doors. Suitable candidates will need to be hospitable, open and very hard pressed for cash. Plenty of overtime available too….